I thought it was love. But for him, it was a pleasure.
The way he held my hands and said he wanted to spend his life with me, I thought maybe I met someone who will care for me.
He said the heart matters and not the physical appearance.
The shattered piece of my heart still aches for him. They say promises are meant to be kept, but in my life promises are being broken again and again.
Being the emotional fool I am, I always end up trusting the wrong people. In my failed relationship, I was the one who got hurt.
But when he suddenly appeared in my life, I felt a beam of hope. I felt maybe there are still good people out there. He stood with me in my toughest time. He supported me and gave me much-needed mental support.
Maybe that is why I felt, love, is still there. I felt I met a good person.
After meeting him my doubts got clear and I was sure he was the one. The way he smiled at me and offered a warm hand towards me, made me feel special. I began to daydream of him. I began to create my imaginary world with him, where we were together happily.
But things changed suddenly, and I do not know why. He started to avoid me and my calls. He had a long list of excuses saying he was busy with his family and stuff. I understood and waited for him.
I was hurt, but deep down I wanted to be with him so I waited for him.
He appeared again suddenly. And like a fool, I got excited. They say people when they are in love, tend to forget that they might be getting used by the person whom they love, for their benefit. And it happened to me.
I was so excited to meet him, that I forgot the fact that I will become a fool again. For a moment of happiness with him, I let go of my ego. I was ready to become a fool for him. We met. And he proposed to me saying, he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.
He looked into my eyes and said let us take this forward and start our life together. His sweet gestures, his way of talking, and the way he looked at me everything felt like a dream. His words still linger in my ears.
I remember his words again and again. He said I want to stay with you forever. Can you be loyal to me? Can I trust you? Let us build our happy world together.
And I like a fool gave him my everything. And that is where I made the mistake. The person who wanted to spend time with me disappeared forever. He took everything from me and disappeared like a ghost.
He had his excuse. All he said was he will contact me and tell me everything. But he disappeared without a word. If he wanted to disappear he should have said, I do not like you. A small word sorry would have been enough. The person in me is broken. I ask myself will I be able to trust a person ever again. Will I be able to move on ever again?
I am left at the spot from where I started. It is already difficult to deal with professional pressures. The emotional roller coaster ride has taken a toll on me.
As Jodi Picoult said, “The moral of the story is no matter how much we try; no matter how much we want it…some stories just don’t have a happy ending”.
To the world, I am a strong person, who does not care about anything but when I put off the mask, I am a weak person. I smile; I laugh and pretend I am fine. I have perfected the art of wearing a mask. But my heart aches as I think about him. The word lingers inside me as if it was yesterday. Maybe I have finally found love. But why is it that, every time I find love, that person disappears from my life. My heart wants to scream but there is no one to listen. My heart wants to cry but who will listen to my cries.
This might be something, which someone at some point in time has dealt with. We are all human beings and at some point, we all have dealt with heartbreaks.
The world has become so superficial and so has the way people view relationships. For people, love is just a word. All they want is physical satisfaction. Even before starting a relationship, they check the physical compatibility. They live together just to check if they can spend the rest of their lives together. But what is the point of doing all these, if at some point they end up cheating? In this superficial world, finding an honest person is like finding a needle in a haystack. We are surrounded with so much negativity that somewhere in the chaos we forget what love is
Running after success and money, we are forgetting our identity. The essence, the feeling of loving someone, the feeling of being with someone has just become a need.
But giving up on love is not a solution. Maybe someone somewhere is feeling the same.
Our choice makes us and leads us to where we go. We cannot blame or generalize an opinion. It’s just that being selfish in this superficial world has become a necessity. To be strong and remain unchanged is the key to survival.
Everyone deserves true love and respect. We just need to become a little brave.
As someone said, “No matter where you go, love will always find a way to you”. Staying positive and moving forward will lead us to be happy.
*The writing here is my opinion and is not intended to hurt anyone.
Media Educator From Guwahati